Eating is one of the most important things that separates Dub from beast (culchie.) Walk into any Dublin restaurant that allows mullahs in, with your eyes closed, and you will be able to tell where the boggers are sitting by sound alone. (If you hear a sound like a combine harvester chewing up a small child holding a sack of badgers, that's a muldoon having some soup.) With that in mind, I feel it is my duty to dedicate a few lines to Dublin dining.
We'll start at the start, with breakfast. A fry-up is the only acceptable Dublin breakfast. Rashers, sausages, black and white pudding, mushrooms, eggs, fried bread and toast. Washed down with copious amounts of tea. Beans are for Brits, hash browns are for Yanks, coffee is for yuppies. Cereal is for kids, porridge is for mullahs, pastries are for dessert. If you're not that hungry, a rasher sandwich or some white pudding on toast will keep you going.
Now on to lunch. Pints, if possible. If you've had the full fry you won't be that hungry anyway. You will, however, need fuel to keep you going through the afternoon. Pints will do the trick nicely. If you haven't had the full fry though, and feel like you need something to eat, your wife's sandwiches are your only man. These should be made the night before and wrapped in the end of the bread packaging. Nobody knows where they find all of this excess bread packaging. The only explanation I can think of is that they buy an extra loaf of bread every day and throw away all but two slices, which they make your lunch out of. If you are consulted on fillings by your better half (unlikely, I know) then sausages should be your number one choice. Yes, they will be cold and shrivelled up by the next afternoon, but that just adds to the attraction of such sandwiches.
A Dub's evening meal is, without doubt, the most important of the day. You will be tired from working hard/dossing all day and will have worked up an appetite in the pub after work. Stew and coddle are the main two options here. I was going to devote an entire post to the manufacture of these magical concoctions, but I soon realised that "Fuck everything in your fridge into a big pot and boil the living fuck out of it for several weeks" wouldn't really fill the space I was hoping for. Yes, mullahs eat stew too. But not the way Dubs do. A full Brennan's batch loaf should be buttered (and the packaging given to your wife) and these little slices of heaven should be used instead of cutlery. And yes, the sausages in coddle look like little willies, but the taste will be worth it, trust me.
Another option is to pay a visit to your local chipper. Fresh cod, smoked cod, long ray, batter burgers, batter sausages and spice burgers are the most Dublin of all the things on the menu here. I would also recommend a wurly burger (a.k.a. howie burger, depending on what part of the city you're in.) For those not in-the-know, this is a large batter burger in a bun with all the trimmings you would normally expect to find in a quarter pounder. Whatever you order, it is essential you get chips with it. A fresh cod without chips is like a culchie without a smell of shite.
There are, of course, many other examples of fine Dublin cuisine, but they are too numerous to mention here. If in doubt, just remember; if it's made by a Dublin mammy, or is available in Leo Burdock's in Christchurch, it's probably alright. And always give bacon and cabbage a wide berth. Some say that one bite will turn you into a full-blown mullah. I don't plan on testing that theory, and neither should you. Talk to yiz soon, good luck.
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